Forgiving ourselves

Forgiveness is hard, tough as nails, but it is possible. Not only is it possible but when we do it we discover great freedom in our lives. There is a lightness that comes when we stop carrying around unspent anger, bitterness, and resentment. Yet, try as we may, there seems to be one person each of us just can’t bring ourselves to forgive. Our feelings toward this person vary but they range from light disdain to a general loathing. This person has hurt us, caused us grief, and been a general pain in the rear on so many occasions that forgiveness would be hard to come by, at least for us. What is amazing is that in spite of our feelings, we keep a portrait of this person in each of our homes. What?!? You keep a portrait of the person you disdain the most? Yep. In fact, you look at it every day. Why don’t you go look at it right now? I can wait. You keep it in the bathroom. Why don’t you go in there and look at the portrait hanging there, the one right over the sink? No really, go look. I will stay right here.

Did you see that person? Yep, that’s the one. That person you saw is the one person who has caused you more grief and brought you more trouble than any other person on the face of the earth. That person whose portrait you fawn over every day has distressed you beyond belief, and chances are that you are not happy about it. In fact, chances are that you hold a grudge or two against that person. Who wouldn’t? After all, think of all the trouble he or she has caused you.

Of all the people we will forgive in our lives, the hardest person to forgive is none other than ourselves. You would think that this wouldn’t be the case, but it is. For some reason we can forgive others. We can be forgiven by others, but we just cannot bring ourselves to forgive ourselves. Why is this? Maybe it is because we don’t feel as if we deserve to be forgiven. Maybe it is because we think we lost access to forgiveness because we did what we did knowing better. Maybe it is because we somehow feel that we have become what we did, thus we will forever live in a state of uncleanliness and thus are unforgivable and unacceptable. Maybe it is just because someone along the way didn’t teach us how to forgive. Whatever the reason, many of us are carrying around a great weight, a trove of accusations and animosities toward none other than ourselves. Wouldn’t it be great to be free?

The reality is that those of us who are Christ-followers are already free (Romans 8.1-4). We are free from accusation, free from animosity, free from labels, free from any condemnation we or anyone else might bring against us. We are free. However, being free and living free are two different things, something we all know too well. If we are free, how might we live like it? The key seems to be in how we choose to live. We can choose to live our lives always trying to measure up to some standard, stated or unstated, or we can choose to live our lives by the power of the God who lives within us. Those of us who choose to live our lives by a standard will find that we never really measure up, and over time we will grow to despise ourselves for it. After all, we know what we should be doing. Why can’t we just do it? Those of us who choose to live our lives by the power of the God who lives within us will discover that we don’t wrestle with feelings of failure. We will find that we don’t have time to despise ourselves. We don’t have a standard to live up to at all. We are too busy enjoying the adventure the one inside us is leading us on. So take one more look at that person in the mirror. Do you really want to feel the way you do toward him or her? If not, how about deciding together to stop trying to measure up and to start living out the adventure the one inside the two of you is calling you toward?

A fellow traveler,

Blake

What’s my next step?

We encourage you to consider engaging in the following as a way of handing off faith in your family.

Talk about forgiveness: Talk freely and openly with your children about forgiveness. One possible way you might do this is before they go to sleep to ask them the following questions: (1) How does your heart feel tonight? (2) Did anyone do anything that hurt your heart today? (3) Did you do anything to hurt someone’s heart today? (4) What might it look like to forgive or ask for forgiveness? You might conclude your discussion by praying the Lord’s Prayer which speaks to forgiveness (Matthew 6.9-13).

We encourage you to consider engaging in the following as a way of deepening your own faith.

Meditate on God’s work of redemption in you: This week spend time meditating on God’s great love for you. You might consider using Romans 8.1-4 to soak in the truth that God has redeemed you and what this does for you and how you see yourself.  As you soak this week, allow God to teach you about who he really is and how he truly relates to you. Allow him to point out any areas of your heart in which you might harbor unforgiveness, animosity or resentment toward yourself. Ask him to speak life to those areas and to draw you into his embrace.