Forgiving God

So, thanks to the marvels of modern technology, I am typing this from my new digs, a double-occupancy room at Binghamton General. It seems that for some reason, I have some bad stuff floating around in my blood that should not be there, at least not at the levels it is there. In fact, according to my doctor, I am pretty amazing, because in her words, “You should be dead.” Well, I feel fine and am here waiting to figure out what is up.

Funny. This is the first time I have ever been on this side of the bed. Other than a couple of bumps and bruises which have necessitated a quick visit to the ER, I have never been the admittee. I have always been the one visiting, not the one getting visits. I have been the one standing, not the one lying down, the one asking about tests, not the one having them run. It feels different on this side of the bed.

When I stand on the other side of the bed, the conversation usually starts with something about the weather. It transitions to family matters, and finally gets to the matter at hand. If it is a normal procedure, we joke and laugh. I probably have walked away with more than one person wondering if they busted stitches. Sorry about that. It seemed like a good idea at the time to crack that joke. But sometimes it is anything but normal. I have stood on the other side of the bed more than once and heard hard words, discouraging words. In almost every case, I have stood there and heard those hard words which are then followed by a single question, “Why?” “Why is this happening to me?” The why’s give way to what’s. “What could I have done differently?” “What if I had prayed more?” “What if I had just listened or been more patient?” Behind all of the why’s and what’s lies a single question. Where is God in all of this?

In the midst of normal life, we often give little thought to the presence of God. But in the midst of pain and trial, the presence and work of God become very important. Where is God when life hurts? What, if anything, is he doing? Why would he allow things like this to happen? Why didn’t he stop it? What could I have done differently? Lots of questions. Honest questions. Behind all of them is the scary reality that maybe, just maybe he isn’t there, or if he is there he just doesn’t care.

Stay with that scary reality long enough and something happens deep inside you. It starts off small. At first you don’t notice it. The pain you feel covers it up. But that covering pain also feeds what is there and it starts growing. It grows and grows until you can’t ignore it. Anger. You are angry, angry that you hurt, angry that God seems absent, angry that he, if he is there at all, would allow something like this to happen to you. Maybe, just maybe, you are angry because it feels like God is the one hurting you.

I don’t hazard to understand why painful, hurtful things happen to people. There are people much smarter than me who have tried to figure it out and every one of their suggestions is less than satisfying. What I have come to realize is that knowing doesn’t really help. Even when we can figure out the cause of your pain, it doesn’t resolve how we feel about it. What is needed is not the answer why we are experiencing pain but what we are going to do with our anger about it. Specifically, what are we going to do with our anger with God, that resentment we feel for allowing us to hurt, whatever the reason. If we let the anger stay there, it isn’t long before it does a number on us, estranging us from the God who loves us, because, honestly, it doesn’t feel like God loves us.

So what are we to do with the anger? The only way to answer that is to ask why we are angry to begin with. So why are we angry? I think we are angry because God didn’t do what we expected him to do. He didn’t meet our expectations. He let us get sick. He let us experience trauma. He let us face difficult circumstances, and we don’t like it or Him for it. We behaved. We said our prayers. We gave our tithe. Hey, we even volunteered here and there, and what do we have to show for it? Pain. Trouble. Heartache. It doesn’t seem fair. God hasn’t been fair, and we are mad as hell about it. But why? Really?

I think we are mad about God not meeting our expectations because it makes him unpredictable. If he is unpredictable he is uncontrollable. A predictable God is easy to understand. He is easy to connect with. He is easy to manipulate because we know how he works. But God is not predictable. He is not always easy to understand. He most certain defies our best efforts to manipulate him. That makes us angry. We are angry because he is God and we are not. Therein lies our issue. He is God and we are not. Our anger is less with who he is and what he does than it is with who we are not.

So what do we do with our anger? If we don’t do anything with it, that anger will estrange us from God. It is hard to be cozy with someone with whom you are boiling with rage. But what to do with it? I think it all comes down to what we choose to do with who God is. Will we let him be God? Will we say, “I can’t wrap my mind around the why’s of life, but I am not God and that is OK. God is big enough to understand, so I will let him handle it.” When we allow him to be God, releasing our anger really isn’t all that hard. We don’t have to be angry. We don’t want to be angry. We simply want to embrace the one who is God, and it isn’t us.

A fellow traveler,

Blake

What’s my next step?

We encourage you to consider engaging in the following as a way of handing off faith in your family.

Talk about forgiveness: Talk freely and openly with your children about forgiveness. One possible way you might do this is before they go to sleep to ask them the following questions: (1) How does your heart feel tonight? (2) Did anyone do anything that hurt your heart today? (3) Did you do anything to hurt someone’s heart today? (4) What might it look like to forgive or ask for forgiveness? You might conclude your discussion by praying the Lord’s Prayer which speaks to forgiveness (Matthew 6.9-13).

We encourage you to consider engaging in the following as a way of deepening your own faith.

Meditate on God’s love: This week spend time meditating on God’s great love for you. You might consider using Romans 8.35-39 to soak in the truth that God loves us and remains with us in all seasons, including those of trial. As you soak this week, allow God to teach you about who he really is and how he truly relates to you. Allow him to point out any areas of your heart in which you might harbor animosity or resentment toward him. Ask him to speak life to those areas and to draw you into his embrace.