A better risk

I can probably count on one hand the number of people who have hurt me, really hurt me. I am not talking about the average, run-of-the-mill hurt here. These are people who have done more than lob a few hurtful words or take a few shots at my reputation. No, there are a handful of people who have done everything they could to destroy me, to leave me with wounds that will last a lifetime. I am not sure they all meant to do the damage they did to my soul. What I am sure of is that each one of them has left a lasting imprint on my life, and not for the positive.

While I may only be able to count on one hand the number of people who have really hurt me, I have long ago lost count of the numerous ways I have longed to hurt them back. Telling them off? I have at least a thousand cutting responses ready to go. Plans to demolish their reputation? Which type of plan do you want? The one that leaves them with a shred of dignity or the one that makes them wish they had never been born? I have at least one hundred of those. I have dreamed up ways to leave them friendless, hopeless, and on occasions toothless. I have always wondered how things might have gone if I had a pair of brass knuckles handy. Needless to say, I have plans, contingency plans, and contingencies for my contingencies. I have spent the better part of my life wishing and dreaming about getting even. And therein lies the problem.

Every one of those souls who damaged my soul did so in an instant. They betrayed a confidence. They shattered a trust. They threw me under the bus to save their own skin. In a moment they cut me and then they went about their lives. I, on the other hand, have spent incalculable hours ruminating on that one moment and how to get even. It almost doesn’t seem fair. Their action cost them, oh, about 5 minutes of their lives, tops. My response, well. . .it has cost me the better part of my life since. It isn’t fair, and it isn’t their fault. How can that be?

It isn’t their fault because they are not the ones coming up with plans and contingency plans. They are not the ones whiling away hours asking the “what if’s.” No, they are happily living their lives. They have spouses and kids, friends. A few of them are even deeply involved in their churches and doing great things for the kingdom of God. No, the only person I can blame is myself. It is my fault. I am the one who has chosen to ruminate and dwell, to console myself in my pain. I am the only one who has the power to dictate my response. So why would I choose to spend my life dwelling on the hurt? That is a great question, and I am not sure I really have a good answer.

I think the main reason I have spent my life as I have is my deep sense of justice and fairness. What happened to me was not right. It wasn’t fair. It was wrong in each and every case. I want more than anything to make it right. The problem is that I can’t. Even if I could execute one of my gentler plans, what would be the result? So, two of us would now walk around with damaged souls? Some plan. No. Trying to figure out how to get even hasn’t done anything but hold me back. The whole desire to protect and avenge life taken has only served to keep me from actually living. Maybe that is why Jesus never instructed his followers to get even but rather instructed them to forgive, to give life in place of hurt (Matthew 5.38-48). In other words, Jesus basically told his followers to stop worrying about getting even and just live. That sounds a whole lot more freeing and it gives me a new lease on today and the next. Now, I only have one question. I wonder how much I could get for my plans on eBay?

A fellow traveler,

Blake

What’s my next step?

We encourage you to consider engaging in the following as a way of handing off faith in your family.

Talk about forgiveness: Talk freely and openly with your children about forgiveness. One possible way you might do this is before they go to sleep to ask them the following questions: (1) How does your heart feel tonight? (2) Did anyone do anything that hurt your heart today? (3) Did you do anything to hurt someone’s heart today? (4) What might it look like to forgive or ask for forgiveness? You might conclude your discussion by praying the Lord’s Prayer which speaks to forgiveness (Matthew 6.9-13).

We encourage you to consider engaging in the following as a way of deepening your own faith.

Meditate on God’s forgiveness revolution: This week consider joining God on the journey of forgiveness. Consider memorizing and meditating on Matthew 5.38-48 this week. Allow Jesus to feed your soul with his words each day for at least thirty minutes. Allow him to bring specific words or phrases to your mind. Ask him what he is trying to tell you and what it means for you personally. Respond to him in thankfulness and devotion. You might consider journaling your interactions with Jesus for later reflection.