It starts with me

Our kids say the craziest things. Almost a day doesn’t go by that one of them doesn’t say something that makes Rachel and I laugh hysterically. For instance, last week our son came home asserting that Yoda lived in Spencerport. I am not sure where he got that idea, but he would not be swayed from this position. So, for all I know, Yoda has traveled from galaxies far distant and purchased an abode in the sleepy hamlet called Spencerport. Addie, on the other hand, isn’t interested in Yoda or his arch nemesis Darth Vader. No, Addie is interested in growing her hair long, much to the chagrin of her mother. When Rachel asked her last week if she could take her to get a haircut, Addie replied with a quick “NO!” When we asked why, Addie simply shook her head so that her golden locks flowed about her face and said, “Because long hair makes me happy. I can do this with it.” I had to leave the room not to laugh openly and thus undermine the unified parental front of pushing for a haircut.

As I get up in the morning and when I come home in the evening, I never know what to expect. I don’t know what is going to be said, even when I think I can’t be surprised anymore. Most of the time I am driven to laughter, but a few weeks back I was almost driven to tears. I don’t remember the exact circumstances but they involved me telling Hayden to do something he didn’t want to do. After asserting myself several times, I said quite simply, “Hayden, please make a good choice and listen to me so that you don’t have consequences.” Hayden put down what he was doing and responded to me in a tone of voice that expressed deep frustration, almost rage, and then he stomped off to do what I told him to do. I stopped him in mid-stride and made it clear in no uncertain terms that his tone of voice was unacceptable. Moments later, with Hayden in tears and in time-out, I stood thinking about what I was going to say when I went into his room to have a Daddy-Son talk about why he ended up in time out. I was praying, “God, help me out here.” As I was praying, I realized I had heard that tone of voice before. I had seen that deep frustration bordering on rage. I knew it well because I had seen it in me. I realized that I wasn’t the only one who had seen it. Hayden had as well. He was simply imitating what he had seen in me.

Needless to say, the majority of our Daddy-Son conversation focused on how Daddy wasn’t perfect and that Hayden had learned something from Daddy that Daddy was going to have to unlearn with God’s help. I don’t know if Hayden got the full weight of what I was saying, but I did. I realized in that moment as never before that Hayden and Addie learn to live by watching me. How I am living impresses on them how they are to live. I suppose I couldn’t have asked for an illustration of Moses instructions to parents to impress on their children how to live (Deut. 6.4-9). The problem was that what they were seeing wasn’t the life I wanted them to live.

The life I want my kids to live is a life of whole-hearted devotion to God. More than anything, I want Addie and Hayden to grow up and love God with their whole being, not because he is the only thing in life but because he is the best thing in life. I want them to love God with all that they are because the best life is found in loving God that way. When I think about what a life of whole-hearted devotion to God looks like I think of Jesus. In Jesus, we have the perfect example of whole-hearted devotion to God. If we want to live out devotion to God, then we have to learn to live like Jesus. If this is our desire, then Jesus promises to teach us (Luke 9.23-25).

Here’s what I am learning. If I want Addie and Hayden to love God, then they first have to see it in me. They first have to see that I am loving God with all that I am, that I am looking to Jesus to teach me how to truly live. I don’t have to be perfect. They just have to see growth. They need to see honest wrestling in my life. They need to see me reaching out and upward. If I want them to love God, then they need to see me loving God because they do what they see me doing.

A fellow traveler,

Blake Shipp

Spiritual Formation Pastor

What is my next step?

This week we have provided a series of age-appropriate ideas to help point you and your children to a good and meaningful life in God. We would encourage you to choose one of the following ideas and seek to weave it into the daily rhythm of your family, seeking after God, the author and source of life.

Seeking God as a parent: Consider offering the following prayer to God, “Jesus, teach me how to live.” Pray this simple prayer when you rise and when you lay down. Pray it between activities and meetings. When you don’t know what to do and when you are facing something that you know backwards and forward, offer this prayer. Let this prayer become part of the fabric of your being so that you naturally seek after God first.

Grow your understanding of biblical parenthood: Consider growing in your understanding of what it means to point children to Christ by reading Faith Begins at Home or Age of Opportunity, available at the Info Desk.

Pointing children to God

·         Pray for your child (appropriate for all children): Consider spending time each day praying for your child, that they might know God and love him in a whole-hearted way. You might consider using Matthew 22.34-40 or Ephesians 1.17-23 to guide your prayer.

·         Be open with your faith journey (appropriate for all children): Because children learn by watching us, consider opening your faith journey to your children. For younger children this involves seeing you read Scripture, hearing you pray, and listening to you confess and ask for forgiveness. For older children, this involves participating with you in worship and discussing issues of faith that influence life choices. For teenagers, this involves wrestling with deep issues and questions in a way that shows humility and a powerful desire to live like Jesus rather than by cultural standards.

·         Read the Bible as a family (appropriate for all children): Consider making Bible reading a part of your daily routine. This is especially easy with younger children who cannot yet read. Simply read a story each night out of a picture book Bible such as the Jesus Storybook Bible available at the Info Desk. With older children, you might read a single chapter out of The Message or the NIV. Begin with the Gospels and Acts. Your children will also find the stories in Genesis—Exodus and 1 Samuel—2 Kings interesting and informative to their faith.

·         Pray the Lord’s Prayer (appropriate for younger and middle school children): Consider memorizing and praying the Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6.9-13) with your children each night as they head to bed. With younger children, work on making the prayer a part of their memory. With older children, move to personalizing the prayer, particularly the phrase “your kingdom come, your will be done.” Lead your children to seek God’s guidance and will as the best course for their lives.

·         Use drive time to encourage asking Jesus how to live (appropriate for teenage children): Consider using the time with your teens in the car to talk about life and the life situations they are facing. As they discuss issues they are questioning, you might encourage them to ask Jesus to teach them how to move forward. You might also assure them that you will ask Jesus to teach them how to live and move forward.

·         Worship as a family (appropriate for all children, particularly older children): Consider worshiping each Sunday as a family. Let your children see you worshiping God and learning, and provide them with the experience of worship and learning. On the drive home discuss the experience and talk about how you as a family will respond.