Parental Guidance is required

On Thursday, it will be six years since the arrival of our first-born. Addison arrived late in the afternoon on a cool day in Lexington, Kentucky to a very tired mother and a father who realized he probably was in for the ride of his life. Two days later, we bundled up the newest member of our family and walked out of the hospital. As we walked to our car, carrier in hand, two thoughts formed in my mind, thoughts that have dominated my thinking every day since. First, I have absolutely no idea what I am doing. Second, I want, more than anything in the world, for Addison to have a good and meaningful life.

Walking out of that hospital I was certain that someone would stop me. I kept waiting for the police to arrive and say, “Sir, I’m sorry but we can’t let you take this child home. You have no idea of what you are doing.” Six years have passed and I have stopped worrying about the police showing up, and I have learned that I am in good company. Most of us who have kids have no idea what we are doing. Our first-born are living, breathing experiments. That’s why we have second and third children, to finally get it right by applying what we learned with the first one.

I have come to the point that I have realized that I do not nor can I know everything as a parent. Children have a way of surprising you with their desire to be unique individuals. I just live with the constant thought that I don’t know what I am doing. In the last six years, my desire for a good and meaningful life for Addison and Hayden has only grown. When Addison was born the world was a pretty scary place. We were in the midst of a war. Terrorism was a rising global threat. Warnings of global warming were growing stronger, and the first signs that the economy might be slowing were popping up in Lexington. Six years later, it isn’t any prettier. We still are fighting terrorism. We are in one of the greatest recessions in the history of our country. Global warming signs haven’t gotten any better, and new threats like sex trafficking make me wince at the world in which our children will live. Sometimes I wonder, will it be possible for Addison and Hayden to make it in this world? Will they find goodness and meaning in this life?

It seems that when I grow the most pessimistic, God brings Deuteronomy 6 to mind. In this text, God reminds me that a good life is possible, both for me and for our kids. A good life is possible and available, available in God. The world might be a scary place, but even in this scary world, Addison and Hayden can find life, a good and meaningful life, if they find God. It is in turning to God in absolute devotion that goodness and meaning is found for God is the source of life.

I find encouragement when God brings these words to mind, but in my role as a parent I am discovering that these words also bring challenge. These words challenge me for they remind me that my primary role as a parent is to point Addison and Hayden to God. Their lives depend on their relationship with God and their relationship with God depends in large measure on their mother and me. You see, it is our job to teach them that life, a good and meaningful life, is found in God and only God.

What does it take to point a child to God? I am learning that it takes more than taking them to church. I am learning that it starts with me seeking God, so that they can see in me the example of a good and meaningful life, a life found in God. I am discovering that it takes intentionality. Addison and Hayden are sponges. They soak up whatever they see and hear. If Rachel and I are not intentional about what they are seeing and hearing then we are giving up the influence we have as parents to point them to God. I am learning that our kids learn by living. It is in creating new rhythms and clarifying family priorities that Rachel and I provide forces that shape the minds and hearts of our children. Most of all, I am learning that I can’t pass the buck to anyone else. God has given me this role with these children, not someone else.

I may not always know what I am doing. I suppose that most of the time I do not. What I do know is this: at the end of the day, I will have succeeded as a parent if I have done everything possible to help Addison and Hayden find life, a good and meaningful life in God.

A fellow traveler,

Blake Shipp

Spiritual Formation Pastor

What is my next step?

This week we have provided a series of age-appropriate ideas to help point you and your children to a good and meaningful life in God. We would encourage you to choose one of the following ideas and seek to weave it into the daily rhythm of your family, seeking after God, the author and source of life.

Seeking God as a parent: Consider offering the following prayer to God, “Jesus, I want you to be first in my life.” Pray this simple prayer when you rise and when you lay down. Pray it between activities and meetings. Let this prayer become part of the fabric of your being so that you naturally seek after God first.

Grow your understanding of biblical parenthood: Consider growing in your understanding of what it means to point children to Christ by reading Faith Begins at Home available at the Info Desk.

Pointing children to God

·         Bless your child (appropriate for all children): Consider blessing your child using the Aaronic blessing found in Numbers 6.24-26. You might do this as you put younger children to bed or drop them off at school. You might bless older children in this way as they leave for dates or on outings with their friends.

·         Read the Bible as a family (appropriate for all children): Consider making Bible reading a part of your daily routine. This is especially easy with younger children who cannot yet read. Simply read a story each night out of a picture book Bible such as the Jesus Storybook Bible available at the Info Desk. With older children, you might read a single chapter out of The Message or the NIV. Begin with the Gospels and Acts. Your children will also find the stories in Genesis-Exodus and 1 Samuel – 2 Kings interesting and informative to their faith.

·         Use drive time to talk and pray (appropriate for younger children): Consider using the minutes spent in the car together as a family to talk and pray about life. First, remove all distractions such as the radio. Second, ask your children what they are looking forward to as the best part of their day and what they are dreading. You can also ask this in a reflective manner looking back over the day. Remind them that God is with them and then pray out loud as you are driving that your children would see and experience God. Be sure to keep your eyes open!

·         Use bedtime to examine the heart (appropriate for younger and middle school children): Consider using bedtime to help a child examine their heart and engage with God. Place your hand over their heart and ask your child, “How do you feel in here tonight?” You might also ask them if anyone has hurt their feelings or if they have hurt the feelings of another. Lead them in asking God for forgiveness and in asking God’s forgiveness for others and the grace to show love.

·         Use the dinner table to invite God in (appropriate for teenage children): Consider using your thanksgiving prayer for the evening meal to invite God into the individual lives of your family. Take a few moments before you eat to share the happenings of the day as a family. What went well and what didn’t go so well. As you offer thanks for the meal, ask God to involve himself in the happenings of your family’s lives.

·         Worship as a family (appropriate for all children, particularly older children): Consider worshiping each Sunday as a family. Let your children see you worshiping God and learning, and provide them with the experience of worship and learning. On the drive home discuss the experience and talk about how you as a family will respond.