To compare or not to compare. . .

In Christ we are family. This truth encourages me. It reminds me that I am important and connected, that I have a place, a people, a home, so long as I am not around any other people. As long as I am alone I can keep in mind that I am part of the family of God. The moment I step into the presence of my Christian family I begin to wonder. I wonder because within the first few seconds of their presence I begin the process of comparing, of comparing myself to them and wondering, wondering if I really fit, if I truly belong.

Usually my wondering starts something like this. I see you and size you up. I pay attention to how you hold yourself, how you speak and what you say. I listen for what God is doing, and most of all I pay an incredible amount of attention to what you do, the role you play in the body of Christ. Almost without fail, you will score higher than me. Maybe you have it more together than I do. Perhaps you are a better and more Christ-like parent than I could ever dream of being. Maybe, just maybe, you have a role that makes me wonder if you even need me or notice me. Regardless of how the wondering starts or the path it takes, the end point is always the same. In light of who you are, and who I am not, I wonder if I am important, if I am necessary, if I belong.

The longer I follow Christ, the more convinced I am that I am not alone in my wondering. I am pretty sure that a fair number of us are sizing each other up Sunday after Sunday and wondering. I know I am not alone because I hear the offhand remarks that reveal some wondering going on in the background, remarks like, “How do you do that? I could never do that like you” Or how about, “You are so awesome. I wish I could do what you do.” Or my personal favorite, “What would we do without you? This church would fall apart without you.” We make these remarks, offering them as compliments. Really, they are backhand references to our wondering.

Here’s the deal. Wondering rooted in comparison makes me feel terrible. When I size you up I walk away feeling terrible. Most of all, I feel completely unimportant and disconnected, all because I am not like you. Is this really the case? I wonder. Is it really all that important that we be the same? Does it really matter that you and I are different? Must our differences drive us apart? Do they mean we are in some weird way not truly family? I wonder.

The more I wonder the more I am convinced that my wondering is rooted in a false narrative, an idea that says that my importance and worth, my connection is dependent on what I do rather than who I am. It is a narrative that runs deep, one that I have taken n from the world around me. Think about it. What is the most important thing about you? How do you introduce yourself? What do you want to know when others introduce themselves? Come on. You know the answer. Work. We are a people who define themselves by what they do. We feel worthless unless we are producing something. We rank ourselves and our status in society based on what we do. This is the way things are, so it is no surprise that we size one another and ourselves up in this way as we seek to belong with one another. There is just one problem. In Christ, our true identity is not rooted in what we do. It is rooted in who we are.

This is the truth I see in 1 Corinthians 12. The Corinthians were a bunch of people who were pros at sizing one another up. The result was that they felt and behaved like anything but family. They bickered and fought, judged and coerced. Paul wrote and basically told them to cut it out. They didn’t have to bicker and fight, judge or coerce because they didn’t have to size one another up. What mattered most was not what they did, what role they played in the church, or how together they had it. God was at work in each of them and his work took a different shape and was at a different stage in each of them (1 Cor. 12.4-11). None of that mattered. What mattered was that the same God was in all of them. It was this reality, God’s presence and work in them that gave them value, that brought them together as family, not the specific work God was working in them (1 Cor. 12.11-14). In other words, when they saw one another the sizing up was to extend to the recognition that God was working and that was enough, enough to be important, enough to belong.

I don’t know if I will ever stop comparing myself to others. So many years engaging in the practice have made it second nature. Sometimes I don’t even know I am doing it. What I do know is this, that by God’s grace my standards for comparison can change. When we meet I don’t have to look to see how you and I are different. I can look and see that you and I both have Christ living in us, and that is enough, enough to make both of us persons of value, enough to make us family.

A fellow traveler,

Blake

What is my next step?

I encourage you to consider the following as a way of handing off faith to your family. . .

Practice hospitality: As a family, you can learn the reality of our belonging to one another in Christ and give the gift of belonging by practicing hospitality. Hospitality is simply the welcoming of others in a way that fits who God made you to be. This week, consider practicing hospitality as a family by inviting another family over for dinner or to play games. If entertaining in this way does not fit who you are, consider what your family does to have fun and invite another family along. Have fun with them, letting them know how much you appreciate and enjoy their presence. Let you hospitality be given freely, to those from whom you expect nothing in return and to those who have done nothing to earn the warmth of your presence. In this way you will show that you value people for who they are and not what they do.

I encourage you to consider the following as a way of nurturing your own faith. . .

                                                 

Bless others: We belong to one another in Christ, because of who we are and not what we do. We can recognize and live in light of this belonging recognizing and blessing others based upon the presence of Christ in their life and not on their role. One way to do this is to bless three to five people each time you gather as a congregation. Let your blessing be contingent upon their identity as a fellow believer and not upon some perceived value they provide you. For instance, do not bless the pastor because you value his ability to preach. Rather, bless the widow you sit next to each Sunday because she knows and loves God. You might give such a blessing by saying, “I am thankful for you and thankful that we are family in Christ.”