A need to belong

I was sitting in a conference not quite five years ago when the speaker offered a prize to the first ten people who found and added him on Twitter. Immediately, everyone under the age of twenty-one got out their phone or laptop and started typing away. All the while, the rest of us just looked at one another with befuddled glances that said what we were all thinking, “What’s Twitter?” Needless to say, I can’t think of any other moment in my life that I have felt more out of touch, unhip, and just frankly old than that moment. I felt like a fossil, all at the ripe age of thirty-four. I finally found someone who had found a helpful twenty-one year old to explain that Twitter was an up and coming social networking site. To which my reply was, “What is social networking?”

OK. That was five years ago and I now know what social networking is. I even post on Twitter, quite frequently I must admit. Five years ago, how many of us really knew what social networking was? Sure there was MySpace and that Facebook thing, but it was all just a fad. It would never catch on. We had email and text messaging. What more could you ask for? Hmmm.

It is hard to miss how embedded social networking has become to the way we live, nor can we ignore how powerful social networking can be. It can even impact the rise and fall of governments. Social networking is here to stay and it continues to evolve with new sites like Tumblr and Foursquare. As we watch this new phenomena unfolding right before us, have we ever wondered why? I hear discussions about how to network. I catch a discussion here or there about should we engage in social networking, but I haven’t heard much on the why behind it all. Why are we so drawn to this new form of technology?

I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I have a hunch. My hunch is that social networking scratches an itch, the itch to belong. We live in a world in which it is difficult to belong. In fact, rather than feeling like we belong, many of us feel like orphans. Our parents divorced and we grew up as the first generation of latch key kids, alone. Technology changed influencing the way we worked, shopped, dated and played, in front of a screen, alone. Our world became noisy, filled with music, advertisements, traffic, and war, so much so that we wanted to close it all out and just be alone. If I could classify the way we live life now in one word, I would choose the word “alone.” The trouble is that we were never meant to be alone. It is not good for us to be alone (Genesis 2.18). So, we create ways of being with others even as we are alone. We have created social networking. Here’s the trouble with social networking. It doesn’t really scratch the itch. We still feel alone. We may know where someone is at any moment (Foursquare) but we are not with them. We may know that someone just enjoyed the best movie ever (Facebook) but we didn’t experience it with them. We might even know all of what they think and see (Tumblr) but we can’t really dialogue about it in a free flowing give and take. The trouble with social networking is that we are striving to belong and yet we are still alone.

Here is what I am learning, even as social networking is becoming an ever-increasing reality in my life. I am learning that I do not have to be alone, that I am not alone. I am learning that in Christ I have family. In Romans 12 , the Apostle Paul makes an interesting statement about those who follow Christ. He states that we “belong to one another” (Romans 12.5). Another way of saying it is that those who follow Christ are deeply connected. They are family. They are not alone.

Do I really feel that I belong when I am with other Christ-followers? Do I feel that I am not alone? Not always. Sometimes the loneliest place for me is a pew on a Sunday morning surrounded by hundreds of people. Why is that? Why is it that I feel alone around those with whom I am meant to belong? I don’t know if I have figured it all out, but here is where I am now.

I think a great deal of the issue has to do with our theology, specifically our theology of sin. Our theology of sin basically states that our primary problem is that we are separated from God. I am not denying that is an issue, but I wonder if it is our only issue. Could it be that the problem with sin is simply separation, separation from God and others? Could it be that the real problem of sin is that we are alone? Could it be that the very thing the cross addresses is our aloneness? Could it be that the cross enables us to be with both God and others? I think so. At least this is what I think Paul seems to be saying in Ephesians 2.11-22. He seems to be saying that Jesus’ work was a work that made it possible to not be alone. When I sit in a pew on a Sunday, I am probably more concerned about my separation from God than I am my separation from others. When I think about the cross I think about it primarily in terms of me and God and not me and others. What if that could change? What would happen if I let the cross address all aspects of my separation and not just one? I might discover that we don’t have to be alone. I might grasp the truth that we don’t have to attempt to be with others in our aloneness. I might begin to live out the reality that we can truly belong for we have family, family in Christ.

A fellow traveler,

Blake

What is my next step?

I encourage you to consider the following as a way of handing off faith to your family. . .

Practice hospitality: As a family, you can learn the reality of our belonging to one another in Christ and give the gift of belonging by practicing hospitality. Hospitality is simply the welcoming of others in a way that fits who God made you to be. This week, consider practicing hospitality as a family by inviting another family over for dinner or to play games. If entertaining in this way does not fit who you are, consider what your family does to have fun and invite another family along. Have fun with them, letting them know how much you appreciate and enjoy their presence.

I encourage you to consider the following as a way of nurturing your own faith. . .

                                                 

Bless your enemy: We belong to one another in Christ. We can recognize and live in light of this belonging by tearing down the barriers and hostility that keeps us separated. A powerful way to do this is by replacing hostility with blessing. This week, seek to bless those who annoy or aggravate you, those with whom you would rather not belong. This can be done in prayer, with gifts, or words of encouragement. Allow God to use your blessing to draw you closer to these people, recognizing the bond you have in Christ.