Rethink parenting

“He hit me.” “She touched my side.” “Would you stop looking at me? You are getting on my nerves!” “Daaaadddd. Her face is bothering me.” “I know you are but what am I?”

Give me a break. No really. Please, give me a break. No one told me that this journey of parenting would be so hard. I remember it clearly. There we were leaving the hospital with our new arrivals, full of hope and expectation but short on knowhow. Somehow we made it through the rocking, the midnight feedings, the burpings, the sleepless nights, and the occasional diaper blowouts. I am convinced that companies should be forced to re-label disposable diapers. There is no way a 2T holds 14-28 pounds. We went through ten a day when they should have lasted at least a week.

We made it through with the expectation that one day it would be easier. “One day” being when they started walking and talking. Well, they started walking and talking and it didn’t get any easier. We discovered as they walked and talked they didn’t always go where they were supposed to go or say what they were supposed to say. Did you know that three-year-olds are the most politically incorrect beings on the planet? I don’t know how I have survived the many verbal scenes our children have created. But we made it through that as well, all with the expectation that one day it would get easier. “One day” being when they could use their noodles to put a filter on their mouths.

One day has come and, lo and behold, it hasn’t gotten easier. Who could have imagined that the filter of choice would be one which permits “You are a poopy head” to pass but blocks “Oh father, I will go and do what you have asked of me right away.” Not only has the filter of choice not been one of my choosing but the behaviors which go along with the filter are unpredictable, unreliable, and prone to defiance. Yes, this is that thing called parenting and I just want a break. I want a break from the crying, the screaming, the yelling and the shrieking. I want a break from the temper tantrums and the defiant stares. I want a break from the “He hit me—I hit you because you looked at me” Merry-go-round. Yep, I want off. I think I am going to be sick. 

Maybe I don’t want off; I just want the ride to smooth out. I just wish parenting were easier. I wish that our children were always obedient, never questioning, quick to answer, and loving in all of their interactions. Yeah, right! At least I can dream, and sometimes I do. I dream of a day in which parenting is easy. It seems that this desire for parenting to be easy has always been there, and if I pay close attention, I can see ways in which I try to make that dream reality. I power up on the kids. I shut down their questions. I tell them just to obey, because. . .no really, just because. Are you questioning me? Go take a time out for that tone and we’ll continue when you have a new attitude.

When I am honest, I can see that one of the most important things to me is that parenting be easy. I want obedient, compliant children who cause me no trouble or stress. They blow their own noses, dress appropriately, always do their homework perfectly, and use their manners. What is interesting is how far-reaching this desire extends. It impacts the way I parent in a radical way, but I am not so sure I like its impact. How does powering up nurture self-confidence? How is shutting a child down going to develop a sense of discovery? In what ways does a quick-draw time out foster. . .wait, I am not sure I am ready to go there just yet, but I almost am.

I want my children to succeed. I want them to thrive. I want them to do well in this world, but the things I want from parenting are getting in the way. My desire for my children is smacking up against my desire for parenting. So guess what needs to change? No! We do not give up on the desire to see our children thrive. We let go of the desire for parenting and replace it with a new desire, a desire that supports the growth of our children to be people who thrive in this world. I rethink parenting. It isn’t an easy task but then again I am not on my own. Jesus has promised he will be my teacher and guide in all avenues of my life, including parenting. So perhaps Jesus and I will sit down and have a chat about what is most important, for me, for our kids, for parenting. I might even ask him, “Jesus, will you help me rethink parenting?”

A fellow traveler,

Blake

What’s my next step?

We encourage you to consider engaging in the following as a way of handing off faith in your family.

Rethink life:  Life has a God-given purpose. The question is whether we are moving toward the fulfillment of that purpose. This week, consider memorizing Matthew 22.37-40 as a family. Talk about what Jesus is saying and how your family rhythms move you closer to or further away from the fulfillment of Jesus’ words. Think of one new rhythm which might replace a present rhythm that might move you closer to the life Jesus describes.

We encourage you to consider engaging in the following as a way of deepening your own faith.

Rethink parenting:  Parenting is the journey of nurturing our children to succeed in life. How we nurture our children is influenced by what we think life is all about. This week, consider spending time with Jesus asking him what life is about and how this impacts the way you parent. You might consider using Matthew 22.34-40 as a starting point to listening to what Jesus has to say about life so that he can then speak to you about parenting your children toward what he says life is about.