I am special. These are difficult words to process much less
accept. I suppose I can accept them for others, but never for myself. You are
special because you are smart. He is special because he can do something which
others value. She is special because she is beautiful, or was it he is
beautiful and she can do things of value? Oh, it doesn’t really matter. What
matters is that other people are special, and I. . .well, I am not.
Don’t try to convince me. Nothing you can say will persuade
me otherwise. I have a lifetime of experiences that will veto any argument you
might offer. There is that time when my second grade teacher held up my Valentine
placemat as an example of poor artwork. Yep, that really did happen. There is
the time when I got cut from the basketball team, twice in one try-out session.
Yes, painfully it is true. One rejection was not enough. I needed a second dose
to make sure I didn’t forget it. There are the countless times I heard “don’t
bother me, I wish you would just go away” from friends and family. OK. They
didn’t use those words, but then again, they didn’t have to use them. It was
obvious. I could go on, but this isn’t the place for such a catharsis. I just
want to prove to you that I am not special. Your meager arguments can do
nothing to break through the walls of “unspecialness” which my actions and
experiences have built. They stand around me, tall and defiant, emblazoned with
one all-important truth. I am not special.
I have lived my life within these walls building them a bit
higher every day. In some ways they have become home to me. I feel a sense of
comfort and safety within them. I don’t have to wonder who I am or try to be
anything different. I have the stark reality of my identity surrounding me.
Every now and again I will take a few moments and peer over the wall to check
out the view. For the most part it seems that the landscape consists of a
series of walls with the occasional head popping up and a wave from a fellow
“unspecial.” They seem content like me, content to stay within their walls.
Only, I am not content. Not really. Recently these walls have grown too small
for my taste. They don’t seem to fit me anymore, something like last year’s
clothes that have been run through the dryer too many times. I am feeling a bit
of a pinch. I would like to be rid of these walls, but they are strong
bulwarks. I know. I built them, but I long for wide open spaces, for airiness
and light. I long for something more, but all I know is how to build are these
walls.
A fellow came by not too long ago. He told me I didn’t have
to live in these walls. He told me of a place full of wide open spaces, a place
full of light. He spoke of a place where what you did didn’t influence who you
were, a place where specialness wasn’t determined by how well I performed but
was rooted in something more foundational, something given to me rather than
produced by me. He said I could have everything I have longed for, including
being special. I had to only do one thing first. I had to leave my walls. How
do you leave what you have so lovingly built? How do you just walk away from
such an amazing edifice, a testament of time and devotion, devotion to my
“unspecialness”? I know this life. I built it, but somehow I know that it isn’t
really where I belong. As much as I have tried to make it comfortable, I have
never really felt at home. I think it is time to move. Before I go I want to
poke my head up over the wall once more and give a shout: “Anyone want to go
with me?”
A fellow traveler,
Blake
What’s my next step?
We encourage you to
consider engaging in the following as a way of handing off faith in your
family.
Hand off a Christ-centered identity: Identity is something we give
to our children. As parents, we have the choice to hand off a Christ-centered
or world-centered identity. One way to hand off a Christ-centered identity is
to fill your child’s heart and mind on a consistent basis with truths about who
they are. This week, consider reading You
are Special by Max Lucado. You may also watch our reading of this book on
YouTube by following this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?
We encourage you to
consider engaging in the following as a way of deepening your own faith.
Allow God to show you your true identity: In Christ, we are more
than any identity we have been given by the world and others around us. This
week consider writing down some of the identities you feel you have been given,
those which guide how you navigate the world and relate to others. After you
have written this down, spend some time meditating upon Psalm 8. Compare what
God says about your identity with your list. Ask God where your list came from
and what stands in the way of you accepting what he says about you. Finish your
time by sitting with God, experiencing the loving embrace of his presence
(Psalm 46.10).
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