Then comes marriage

This morning when I woke up it was 9 degrees. One look at the thermometer was all it took to ditch the normal morning routine of lacing up the running shoes and heading out the door for a training run. The fire in the fireplace was just too alluring. Actually, full disclosure is that as of late, on most mornings I am ending up in front of the fireplace soaking in the warmth of the fire and drinking cups of coffee. Doesn’t really sound like a huge issue, right? Who needs to go out in single digits to lose the feeling in their toes? Well, I do. You see, I am scheduled to run another marathon this coming September. Right now I am supposed to be building on my base runs and getting stronger so I can start adding some serious miles in a few weeks. If I don’t build up my base when I start adding miles I run a good chance of straining something and not being able to run the rest of the summer. So basically, it works like this. No winter training=No summer running=No marathon. I am not one of those phenoms that can just go out and run 26.2 miles. I have to train for it. If I don’t train, I don’t run.

This makes perfect sense to me when it comes to running. It seems perfectly logical to link training to my ability to perform. What I am learning is that the same linkage applies to my walk with Christ. Most recently I am discovering that this linkage applies to my ability to love like Christ. While I understand that my running in September is tied to my training in February, what I don’t always seem to grasp is that my ability to love like Christ is tied to my practicing and training to love like Christ. Instead, I read passages like Jesus’ command that we love one another (John 13.34-35) and somehow think that I should be able to “Just do it.” When I try to just do it, I usually just make a mess of things. I end up straining something or someone. This usually happens within the context of my family. When I am around people who know me the least, I am able to behave fairly well. Somehow I can mind my social graces and be polite though not necessarily loving. When true love is needed, social situations usually allow me to exit because of some pressing requirement. I have been saved from having to love by many a meeting. When I am with my family, I find my defenses are down, my ability to escape is limited, and decorum goes out the window. The shrill squeals of fights over who took whose toy, and whose turn it is on the computer bring out the beast in me rather than gentle loving correction. This is just between Rachel and me. I can’t begin to tell you what happens when the kids get into it. What I discover time and again is that when love is needed the most I am the least prepared. I find that I am unprepared and ill-equipped to love. I try, but my trying falls short and I am left panting and overwhelmed, too weak, too out of shape to do what I truly desire to do: love.

The idea of training in a world that pushes instant results seems a bit out of place, yet true stamina and strength cannot be built through desire alone. These take constant effort over an extended period of time. They take trying and failing and trying again, all for the purpose of learning and growing stronger. Then one day it happens. We try and we discover we can. We discover that we have grown and what we once could not do we now can with ease. Somehow this kind of effort seems acceptable when it comes to athletes and musicians but seems somewhat out of place when it comes to the followers of Christ. Yet, it is the undertaking of this very kind of extended effort by the grace of God that Paul has in mind in his letters (Ephesians 4.22-24; Philippians 2.12-13; Colossians 3.1-5).

Living and loving like Christ is not something I can just do. My experience reveals this truth to me and everyone close to me. Somehow I have this idea that I can do nothing and this will enable me to do everything. Somehow the situation or relationship which necessitates love will enable me to provide it. Hmmm. That just isn’t working for me. I think I need a new path. What would happen if I were willing to train? What would happen if I were willing to use every opportunity, every relationship as an opportunity to stretch and grow by the grace of God? What could happen if I were willing to press forward in the same direction over an extended period of time? For my sake and the sake of those closest to me, I think it is worth finding out.

A fellow traveler,

Blake

What’s my next step?

We encourage you to consider engaging in the following as a way of handing off faith in your family.

Set up practice times for love: Taking up the life of Christ requires effort on our part coupled with the grace of our Lord (Philippians 2.12-13). The essence of the life of Christ is rooted in our ability to love like him (John 13.34-35). Thus, loving like Christ takes practice. This week, consider setting aside time to intentionally practice loving others like Christ. This might be setting aside a time to serve a neighbor or a friend or any other activity in which your family selflessly seeks the good of the other. It is helpful to set aside these times in advance and to discuss the motivation behind your actions. You might also consider discussing as a family what was easy and difficult. When you have completed one practice, consider setting another because we grow as we practice.

We encourage you to consider engaging in the following as a way of deepening your own faith.

Practice loving the unlovable: Taking up the life of Christ takes effort coupled with God’s grace. One of the best ways to practice love by God’s grace is to seek opportunities to love the unlovable. Somehow, selflessly seeking the good of one who does not respond similarly stretches us, enabling us to grow into the character of Christ. This week, consider looking for an opportunity to practice loving someone who will not or cannot love you back. You might consider volunteering at a shelter or giving to someone who cannot give back. Seek to make this a regular habit, stretching and growing this aspect of the character of Christ in you.